She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
