Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
