When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
