Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
