Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
