ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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