as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
