My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
