we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
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We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think your dad took our porno
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
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Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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