i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
