I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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