My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
