Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
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