good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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