omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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