girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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