Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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