i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
