Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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