I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
