My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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