Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
