I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
