i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
