Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
