btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
