so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
