her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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