Me. At least after what I've been through.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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