If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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