clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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