i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
