i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
