Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
