ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
