I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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