I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
