I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
