I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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