What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
