Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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