Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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