if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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