So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
