I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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