Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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