I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
