There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
