Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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