Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Randomize
