good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It was like giving head to a cactus.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
