I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So vagazzling was a success
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
