Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
