Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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