why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
