Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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