I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
