my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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