New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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