i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
