did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
