Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
