Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
