A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
