is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
